Cheating death day

Fidgety not knowing to sit or stand
to smoke or drink
to laugh or grimace.
Sweat on my nose like salty dewdrops
nervous about the future
about the present
waiting for the sun to come up
maybe to lend some legitimacy as to why I'm awake.

I cheated you.
You, the tumor that tried to take me before I breathed in the dusty air.
You, the tow truck that blindsided my mom's car.
You, the car that almost hit me while I was riding a bike too big for me.
You, the chemical that surged through my veins while I was getting teeth removed.
You, the boys who spat on me and roughed me up.
You, the men who ripped my heart out and made me want to die.
You, the bacteria that resisted medication.
You, the virus that will never stop killing me.
You, all you cigarettes.
You, yes you, who taught me what pain really was.
I cheated you all, because I'm still standing.
With bells on.
And I know you've got more to throw at me
but I don't give a shit.
Cuz when the dust settles I'll have a toothy grin to show for what I've been through.

Happy birthday
Cheating death day
Drink and forget day
Smoke and remember day
I've got more to come.
From saccharine sweet to lemon sour.
From banana peel bitter to grit and blood.
Wholesome wine and grain
Crumbs of great and terrible in a mediocre porridge.
I'm ready for more than a taste.